A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…. Yoda made the dopest weed ever smoked. Well, I don’t know how true that is, but there must have been some stoners in the Star Wars universe. I mean, sometimes you just need to take a break from the force, you know? Given that, I am going to write the top six Star Wars characters that I would love to watch smoke weed while listening to their conversations…
1. Stormtrooper
You know, nobody ever really considers the stormtroopers, but I think they go through a lot! They have to answer to the higher ups and don’t really get a say in things. They’re kind of like the people who hate their jobs everyday but have nothing else to do. Also, it must be pretty difficult to be in such coordination with everyone at the same time. The worst part of it is that they put stormtroopers up against Jedis! That must be terrifying. Look, the bottom line is, they must need a smoke every once in awhile.
“You know…,” Stormtrooper B4682 says as he puffs on his joint. “I’m bugging out man, I had friends on that death star. One day you’re fighting the rebellion on the forest moon of Endor and the next all your friends just blow up. It’s depressing, but at least we found this Ewok weed.”
Stormtrooper 6839C takes a hit. “I don’t even know if I’m going to be able to find a job now. What are my skills? I don’t have the force, all my references just went up in smoke and I have the worse aim with a blaster rifle.”
2. Han Solo
Han Solo might be one of the coolest dudes in the entire galaxy. You just know if you asked him to smoke, he would immediately whip out a bong… And not just any bong, one of the coolest bongs you have ever seen. I mean, this thing is going to blow everyone away at all the intergalactic bars. Just make sure he’s not going to drive the Millenium Falcon afterward!
“We’ve had a good run my furry friend, but we’re getting old. Lifes changing, but at least we have each other.”
He clears the chamber…
Remember that time I shot Greedo the cantina and everyone thought he shot first? It was me!” Exhales a plume of smoke. Hey Chewy this is good weed, is this the same weed we smoked when we did the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs?” Chewbacca sounds out “ughhhhsgfwfwafff”
Solo packs another tube and says under his breath “I wish my son would smoke some of this, maybe he would calm down and stop listening to all that galactic Emo music.”
3. R2-D2
Look, I don’t know if robots can smoke, but this is a galaxy far far away… You never know what is possible there! Lets say that you were able to smoke with an astromech droid, I would definitely want to smoke with R2D2; I mean, he’s already so chill as it is, and honestly, there is nothing I like more than hearing his beeps and bloops. I’m sure he has some really profound stuff to say too; I need to start learning how to speak in his binary coded language as soon as possible.
“Beep-bee-bee-boop-bee-doo-weep,” R2-D2 says as he hotboxes an X-Wing with C3P0.
C3P0 exclaims “Master Luke will catch us R2, open the hatch! I don’t care that you know everything that’s happened in the entire Starwars universe, I shant be caught.”
4. Yoda
Yoda, Grand Master of the Jedi Order at its prime, and just overall badass, would definitely be a quality character to share a doobie with. The philosophical wisdom he would bring to the table is a thought-provoking high anybody would be honored to experience. His days spent in exile translate to long-winded journeys given the right influence. As a result of his age, he’s been around the block and knows precautionary measures to take, so no worries will be had with Grand Master Yoda, because simply, he’s old enough to know what to and what not to do. If his status as one of the most renowned Jedi Masters doesn’t sound appealing to you, you must not be smoking the right stuff.
“You must unlearn what you have learned,” Yoda replies, after correcting you on the proper method to perfectly roll a blunt. “Judge me by my small hands do you, hmmmm.”
The blunt levitates in the air, unwrapping itself, its contents fall to the ground and his home grown cannabis from Degobah fill the wrap and twist into a perfect blunt.
“Smoke this shit we will, for my power comes from the force.”
5. Padmé
Padmé Amidala, Queen of Naboo, would be a quality pick to smoke with. Her strength and vigor can find a solace in hitting a bowl a few times here and there. Before her death, her status as a politician liberated Naboo from the Federation, continuing in her pursuit of peace after the war began. If you’re looking for somebody to just mellow out with during your high, Senator Padmé Amidala, will get that fix for you. Her influential status during the declining days of the Galactic Republic serve to add a few stripes to the tiger’s back, and it’s always a breath of fresh air to just be able to hold an intellectual conversation with a well-informed person. Padmé cares for the well-being of the group. Padmé not only did so much for her people, she left us with Luke and Leia, which is pretty cool if I do say so myself.
“Obi-wan, are you sure it’s ok to smoke when you’re pregnant?” she says as they speed off of Mustafar. “I just need something to calm me down, I can’t believe Anakin turned into such a jerk.”
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